Ours is a love that was only meant for the gods and we will forever be punished it.
“One thing I am certain of, I do not want to be betrayed, but that’s quite hard to say casually, at the beginning of a relationship. It’s not a word people use very often, which confuses me, because there are different kinds of infidelity, but betrayal is betrayal wherever you find it. By betrayal, I mean promising to be on your side, and then being on somebody else’s.”
― Jeanette Winterson, Oranges are Not the Only Fruit
The strangest thought about betrayal popped in my head today…that even loyalty can be a betrayal between lovers. Although I have a strong and clear aversion to speaking about feelings it doesn’t mean I don’t have them. I will be the first to admit I lack the usually sentimentality most women have and utterly lack the desire to pin a man down, I still being in love and more so, in being IN love. I want, of course to have both these reciprocated. I don’t know if this is where my pride kicks in, but I would kind of like someone’s soul as well. I would be shattered if I found out that my beloved with with me for anything other than love and being in love. Yes of course loyalty, trust, care, and blah blah blah, but if someone is staying without loving and being in love that is a betrayal…to both people.
“Man has places in his heart which do not yet exist, and into them enter suffering in order that they may have existence”
“Insecurity surrounded me, at that moment I realized I was in love. Everything threatened love. I was scared, I was jealous. I was panicked, I felt betrayed and abandoned and lied to. I thought myself a fool for thinking you could love me back or that we could love each other freely. I doubted everything there had ever been between us, everything you said and even everything I had ever felt. I didn’t believe in the future, or the present, it got to the point where I didn’t believe the past. ”
“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”